Winter Quarter

Ugh... Why so much work...

Day 1/365

I'm going to try to blog more often on this... Probably because no one reads my blog, so it's cool it's cool. Anyway, today was just a shopping day. That is all.

Fall Quarter 2012

This quarter was pretty intense. I think I was too caught up with unnecessary things than with the necessary. In the beginning of the quarter, I was so strong with everything. I understood most of my classes and even when I didn’t, I wasn’t afraid to ask for help from my professors or peers. In addition to that, I gotten tutoring for the classes I knew I was going to struggle in. To be honest, I think I got really cocky because I was so confident in my classes since I knew I’ll passed them in a breeze. Well, that didn’t work out as I hoped. I mean I passed all my classes, but not with the grades I wanted. After the first round of midterms, I was so disappointed in myself because I knew I could have done better. It also wasn’t my breaking point, so I keep myself busy with non-school related things. I was still confident that I’ll do well on my second round of midterms (most of my classes this quarter was based on exams). My second round of midterms came along, and this time I studied twice as hard as I did for my first round. I was so determined to prove to my professors that I understood what was going on in class. And you know what? I failed once again. Why? Simple mistakes… Yep, simple mistakes killed me so much. How simple? As simple as misunderstanding a question; as simple as not studying enough for a certain class; as simple as not attending to review lectures to study for another class. Yeah, those simple mistakes killed me on the second round of midterms. I was really upset at myself that I cried to myself whenever I am alone. Yeah, I was that upset with myself because I was so determine, focus, and confident that I’ll do so much better this time around. Even with depressing grades, I wasn't going to give up that easily (well for one class, I did and I regret it a lot). During Thanksgiving weekend, I began study grinding for all my finals. At the same time, it was difficult for me to divide my study time with my classes because I wasn't used to it. Even though I had a difficult time, I managed in the end. Not only that, I was also studying for my chemistry midterm and my biology practical, and dealing with chemistry lab. Even with all that, I managed to focus my attention and time with my studies until the end of finals week. At the beginning of finals, I had the most difficult time sleeping because I was worried so much about it. Why? Two reason: 1. My final will make or break my grade. 2. I would feel like I failed so much this quarter. It got to the point when I got up from bed and drove to school just to do some last minute cramming before my first final. After taking my first final, I immediately went on to study for my next final, which I crashed on for 30 minutes. Even with two finals down, I continued to study for my last two finals. I felt confident for my biology final; for my econ final, it was a lost cause, which is why I regret because it was an easy final, but I just didn’t want to study anymore for it since the professor didn’t care. In the end, I’m pretty satisfied with my grades: -BIO 122: B- -BIO 122L: B+ -CHM 122: B -CHM 122L: C+ -MAT 116: C -EC 202: D I mean these grades aren't great, but I’ll make it up next quarter. I know I will because these grades are just a motivation for me to do better.

To be honest...

Recently, I had a lot of anger bottled up inside of me. This anger is towards everything, but what really gets to me is that I’m still upset/angry about what happen between us. It think it’s just me again rambling about my feelings and stuff, but really… What happen to us? Even though it happen over three years ago, I still wonder that question. I just want that answer, so I know. It’s not the answer so I can “move on,” but it’s more like “what happen to our friendship/bond” answer. I’m pretty sure you know that I wonder a lot about friendship and if it ends, I basically get really upset about it. But really… What happen? I remember that we were in good terms after it. However, a half a year later, it just suddenly stopped. Is it because we got to busy for each other? Or is it because of something else? I just want to know… What happen to our friendship? But I’ll be honest… Whenever it’s this week of this month of any year, I still miss your presence. But thank you for the memories.

...

I’m just going off now. I kept this bottled up for a long time, and honestly, it felt good to let this out. You know that feeling when you study so much and do terrible on whatever you study for. It sucks. Or that feeling when you want to something but choose not to get because you are in a financial debt? That also sucks. Or when you realized that your family member is going through a hard time and can’t do much to help. That sucks a lot. However, whenever I see a person who doesn’t care on their spending, whose family members went through a hard time and survived through it, or even cheated their way to success? Yeah, fuck that shit. It pisses me off big time. I don’t know if it’s just my personality of or I’m just a baby… But I can’t fucking stand it. Why? It’s simple. People have been ten times than me and those people; however, for those people who cries over something that happen years ago? Fuck man, cry me a fucking river because I will not stand it anymore. I’m reaching to the point where I am going to punch someone in the fucking face. Honestly, whenever I heard about people’s problems, I don’t mind, but if they can’t get over it, think about it, and repeatively mention it to me, it’s like… What am I suppose to do? The only thing I can do is listen, be there, and try my best to give advice. I can’t go back in time and fix everything bad that had happened to you. Seriously though, how is someone suppose to be happy if they can’t let go and move on? I know it is hard for people because it scar then, but are you going to let that stop you from being happy and doing what you want to do? It is like are you going to stop saving your friend from committing suicide because they have a knife on them? To be honest, I rather get kill than my own friend take his or her own life because they are unhappy. Plus, everyone has been scar in his or her lifetime. Heck, I admitted I was too. In fact, I’m not suppose to be alive right now, but I am. Instead of thinking, “What if…” I’m living life to my fullest. I’m trying my hardest to suceed in life than cheat my way though it. Why? I rather know my shit than pretend that I know it. Not only that, the government is paying for my education from people’s tax dollars. Honestly, I am grateful for having this “free” education paid by other people’s tax dollars. I know there are some people who are so mad about it, but I am honestly grateful. With that said, I shouldn’t even be slacking off and depending on a phone or my classmate because they probably aren’t going to save me if I get caught by my professor obviously. But for those people who are paying and choose to cheat their way through, are you getting your money worth? It be a general education or core class, but honestly are you getting your money worth or are you just tried of school? If you are, then just take a quarter or semster off. It’s not that hard. Even if you are or think “you are,” money doesn’t grow on trees. If it can, what is the point of working and getting educated? Anyway, think about it a little…. Money can buy a lot of stuff, but not everything. In fact, money can’t really buy true friends, but it can buy hatred and a changed of personality towards someone. Well, I mean if you want to buy that, then go for it. I don’t mind. It’s not my money, but at least think about those who are on the street digging through garbage for an “used” blanket or clothes.

Day Zero

People look for parking. People rush to class. People meet up with friends. People just want summer back already. It’s the time of year again—back to school time. It’s not just primary school or high school, but college students as well. First time freshmen are excited for their first year of college because they are away from home and can do whatever they want. While returning upper classmen are realizing that college is something you cannot slack off on. Not only that, but college is something that doesn’t consumes that much time, which leads to extreme laziness. There are some college students who just want to get through this quarter because they are one step closer to graduating or have plans for their next break. Whatever it is, school has started and it’s not time to slack off. Every quarter, there is always expectation that a college student sets for him or herself. Why, because every quarter is a new beginning to do better than the last quarter. They hope to achieve these expectation or goals, so they can be satisfied of themselves and realized college life isn’t hard at all until something bad happens the next quarter. And the cycle repeats itself. Eventually, college students notice this cycle and stop it by not slacking off every quarter. As college students, they want to accomplish something that will make them happy and successful in life. It may take time, but they will find it sooner or later. But until then, they are just surviving another year of school.

Dear Summer 2012,

Thank you for being good to me. Seriously thank you. I was able to participate in many events this summer.

You given me an opportunity to work and experience life after college is like. You given me the opportunity to be creative and imaginative with my art skills. You given me the opportunity to enjoy Los Angeles with its artwork around this city. You given me the opportunity to reconnect and rekindle with friends and family as well as meeting new people in my life.

So thank you. I wish you stayed longer, but I should start pursuing a career of my interest with the skills and ability I obtain from you. Thank you for a wonderful and memorable season, summer. Thank you.